Long time no Blog

  Well its been a very long time and since this eemed to help last time I fifgured I will try again. I gained some of my weight back but I am not going to let it keep me down. i am working out  home and going to try and test for my black belt in March of next year so lets see what happens. I would like to get down to below 350 by then if it is posiable. i did run the 5k at cfs this past November and improved my time. I have given it alot of thought to trying my luck at a half marithon. Just dont know how my body would do with that.13 miles seems like a lot!

Its been awhile

    Well its been a couple of months since I have posted. I have now lost 117 pounds and even more motivated to lose even more weight thos year. I have made a lot of progress in my personal life, I am currently buyying  a house. This is going to give me even more oppertunity to share my journey and help others.

Dang Dang and Dang

     When you get those comments it can make you feel all warm. Its during these hard times when we need them the most. At least that's when I do.  I know it has been hard to get to the gym during the holiday. then if you threw in cold weather on top of it. You have a good combination to put it off. I know I have had that struggle. From holiday get together to celebrating my up coming birthday. It makes it hard, but when you get those compliments that start with DANG. They get your confidence up. Its those positive feedback that gets me motivated to hit the gym even if it is  5 degrees out side.

Some of the stuff that use to keep me from going to the gym.

     I use to let everything from the guy grunting to the woman snickering.  I would use the excuse I will go in the morning or I don't wanna be next to guy who spits all over everything while doing his work out. I never realized I was using others to justify my insecurities and doubts. I now turn those over to god. I find myself  praying while lifting. I also realize he made all different and we have things that we are insecure about.  That instead of using things I don't like about others and turn to looking at myself and fixing the things I can change in my life. I look at it like a street i am driving on.  If i spend all my time trying to clean up the side with on coming traffic i will get run over. Almost impossible for us to clean it up0 to deal with it. but the side we are driving on we can fix those pot holes or even move a rode block with gods help.  If we choose to live this way on a daily basis we eventually be successfully at the things we do.

After the holiday

  Well i am back at getting into my workout routine. hoping to get the extra weight off from the holiday week. It was very hard to stay on task and get to the gym. i tried as much as I could. Working around family get the end of the week together and a week off of work. Spending time with the kids and friends I had not seen for awhile. It was just hard to make it everyday.  Monday at 4 am was hard to roll out of bed and get up to hit the gym. I felt great once I got to work and even hit the gym for awhile afterwards.  Feeling pretty good about it the week and what I have ahead of me to catch up on my goals. I will see where I stand at the end of the week when I weigh in.

Thanksgivingday

      Well It has been awhile since I wrote, just been busy helping the wife and spending time with the kids. The holidays are a hard time to keep your work out going.  I have managed to make it to the gym at least four times last week and will make it back at least that if not more this week, I am very proud of how my day went today. Eating dinner was a huge triumph for me. For the first time that I can remember I did not eat until I was sick and my meal was only one plate full of food. I ate a little of everything. Keeping my portions to just small amounts. Well I hope you all have had a great day. I would like to hear what you are grateful for.

The child that felt no love.

    When I was a little fellow I had somethings that where bad happen to me. These events left me feeling all alone. This also left me trying to escape to some where else. I also remember wondering when the day would come when  my brother (the one I don't have ) would come and take me away from the pain. Because of the abuse in my childhood it has left me with a distorted perception of love. It is very difficult for me to fell the love someone has for me. This problem has caused a lot of problems in my life.  Especially in the relationships I have had, It has caused me to bounce from relationship to relationship. I have also didn't have a clear idea of how to show it. I thought this was done in a sexual way. It is some of what has caused some of my emotional eating along with feeding my addictive personality. I am not sure if my parents new how. I know my grandparents really where not affectionate at all. I don't even remember my parents telling me they love me. It has caused me to have alot of resentment. This is something I am working on letting go of.